Thursday, February 21, 2013

Love Liberates

Love Liberates
A piece that's rather lengthy. 

How can you possibly find love,
When you can’t even love yourself?
It’s so sad how much your poor attitude
Really destroys your opportunities…

I was so young, and weak in life,
I got into some messes I’m not proud of.
I dated someone I never loved,
I simply just wanted to change him…
I kept on having arguments with you,
Cause I didn’t love myself.
I simply couldn’t find the strength
To tell you how I really felt about you.

And then, came the day, I found out what you really were,
I did a lot of investigating on you…
I saw the paper, and I heard the words from your mouth.
A compulsive liar you are, I knew you could never tell the truth.
I was both crazy and stupid to get involved with you.
How many people did you rape and steal from in your life-time?
How can you expect to find love and romance,
When you can’t even love yourself?

As I lay myself down to sleep that night,
I dreamt of epic visions of survival and destiny,
And I woke up crying and in that moment of revelation,
I heard your voice in my head,
And you said:
“I will move to a place, and will have some success there,
But, it’s the second place I move to where I’ll be most profitable of all.”

I believed in this vision I had,
I interpreted it as my destiny,
To shift my direction else-where,
Or else I would be nothing in that mad-house.
You simply cannot learn anything staying in the same place,
Markus, you must, explore you’re surroundings to grow,
How can you possibly find love,
When you don’t even love yourself?

So I left you and all your demons behind.
Like so many men before, you had betrayed me,
And destroyed the relationship with your anger.
I found myself running, eternally running away,
I ran to a town where I could escape,
Be relatively un-noticed and un-bothered,
And I attempted to heal my paranoia
By shutting myself down.

I was very scared to date again,
Or even hang out with a soul…
So, I just stayed in my room,
Sometimes crying, but mostly sulking,
And wondering why I do this to myself,
Deny myself opportunity
Just to teach myself a lesson,
About showing integrity, and honesty.

After I was hospitalized, and afterwards injured,
I thought life was being un-fair.
Then, when I saw, my greatest friend of all-time
Pass away in a car accident, I just wanted to pull my hair out.
I sunk into my introverted self, ended up messing up a career
That was aimed to be my comeback.

After I was suspended from work, I just sulked into my shell,
I was free-falling, and I just didn’t care anymore what became of me.
But as time passed, I would go on and retire from the company,
And I would commit to random online-habits,
Not really contributing anything to my community.

How can I possibly find love and success,
When I’m not loving myself right now?
I’ve been through a lot in life,
And this is definitely an experience I’ll grow from,
But, how could I possibly find love,
After losing you so suddenly…
Markus, Markus, Markus…
It’s your attitude that prohibits you
From finding long-term relationships,
And prosperity in life.

So there I was, just before winter had started,
Going on a couple interviews where I did strongly,
And re-gaining a friendship that was very significant to me,
I was clearly rising again from the abyss.
I began healing once more through chanting techniques,
And I made the declaration to myself that I was no longer
Going to be down on myself, and feeling hopeless,
I was going to get my dreams going,
And do everything to make myself a success.

And then out of the corner of my eye,
I saw you, and how beautiful you were.
You were kind and honest to me,
And I ran to you, and we started our life together.
A brand new life, an alternative to the loner-attitude
I had held before.

He grabbed me by the hand,
And walked with me along the beach,
And when he pulled the ring out,
I knew I had to marry him.
I said I Do immediately,
And we made love right there
In the wet sand.

I had found love,
But I had to love myself first.
It’s amazing how much your attitude on life
Affects you so greatly! J

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