Conversations With Myself

Conversations With Myself

01/01/2011-01/25/2011

As I look at my reflection,

I see the truth

And it rings loud and clear…

Being an outcast is psychological…

Nobody ever attacked me,

Nobody pushed me to the curb,

I did it all to myself

And it was me who shut you out.

I go on in this life as the ultimate soloist,

And don’t mean to push people away,

But, I do just by the way I am,

By the way I have learned it should be,

And that is that the individual mind rocks,

But, a group can lead to brain-wash…

It’s better if the individual figures the world out for himself…

I use to cling to my dreams like no other,

I was positive that I would be the one,

And nobody could detract

Me from my visions…

Nowadays, the dreams have evaporated,

And I just lay below my comforter

And wonder where it all went,

And when I’ll be something again.

I reach for your hand

But you keep on getting further and further away…

I go on in this depressed world,

Just moving from loan to loan,

Never landing a job for more than ninety days,

And telling myself my behavior has been normal.

I may be pushing you away,

But inside I am screaming…

Screaming for your help,

For you to come rescue me…

It gets so hard

When you’re this independent

To accept help from others

And allow them to put food in your mouth…

Oh how I wish I could make that choice once again…

Everytime I find a job,

I get good for awhile

And then implode

And watch as it goes down in flames.

If only I could find a job that fits my personality,

I would be able to settle down in life…

But perhaps that’s not my destiny after all.